5 Ways Some Women Torture Men

Welcome to another weekend everybody.  Okay, the top 5 things a woman does, and we are all guilty sometimes even if it is unintentional, that tortures a man.  I think all of these can be tied to pride and selfishness and all of these are exhibited in the original Pride & Prejudice a very clever book.

1.  Thinking We Are Always Rght. . .Peasants

 

Everyone has done this before.  But what that one woman or wife that does this:

Sees everything they do as supreme law, sees others faults and being loud about it, forcing people to change their bad habits quickly, always trying to fix the problems and nuances...this is normal for a relationship, but when the guy or children and people in your lives can't return the favor by telling a woman her faults and mistakes, then it's not only insanity, it's narcissism. I have seen it and only a very good man can keep compromising to keep the peace in the family.

2. Knowing What He Likes and Withholding

Besides the obvious subject, there are things and kinds of affections when a woman is mad or wants to even the score for how a man made her feel that she will take away from a guy.  It is like putting him in a time out. 

Well, this puts the woman in a time out as well.  Not going out when he wants, ignoring him, holding back your niceness and going completely cold until he gets the point he did something wrong.  Pride is an evil sandwich best left uneaten, Ladies.  I'm finding out men do this, too, but I never seen any books written about it.  There are times in a relationship you are the mother figure and discipline may apply, but what eventually does a young boy do with his mother/son relationship? He leaves her for a roundabout woman.

3. Hanging Out With the Boys

Some girls are just natural around guys.  I always had male friends even during a relationship.  I never knew how much it bothered guys until one boyfriend told me my guy friend who we both worked with wanted to be with me.  I was so clueless, I thought no way. I seriously thought I was safe being around him because I was far from his type of girl. So, I continued to hang out.  Well, he was right, my guy friend started getting jealous of my boyfriend sort of saying how he disliked "pretty boys" and I was like, "You would be a pretty boy, too you don't play toward that" and his reaction toward that compliment made me see that my guy was right. 

The thing about it is, I seriously had my focus on my boyfriend no matter how much I hung out alone with my friend.  If I was to turn the tables around I see I was unfair.  He actually handled the situation by telling me and not accusing anyone and I backed off hanging out as much.

4. Emotional Over Everything He Says

Reading fictional stories and imagining grand worlds and ideas is okay if you are a writer in your spare time, but not when it is about your guy telling you he is going to get milk and your mind sees him meeting up with his ex at the grocery store.  Then when he comes back all happy to share the milk for the cereal, you are screaming at him for cheating on him. 

Eventually he will make this woman cry through the course of the day because of what he DIDN'T say more than what he said.  It makes coming home like living in a real life Minesweeper game jumping in the small amounts of safe space to keep the bomb from igniting from an unstable brain.  Uncontollabe emotions are scary to guys.  Find a way to find balance or be alone.

5. Going Commando on a Brother

Hilary Clinton is the woman who came the closest to being in the White House.  It won't be long before a woman is Commander in Chief of America.  "I pity the fool, who is under her," says Mr. T.  I think everyone knows a woman who wears the pants in the family or sees the man in the grocery store pushing the cart and holding the babies as the woman tells him their schedule for the week and scolds him for his attitude for not appreciating the talk.  Oh, and he didn't grab the peas fast enough.  Somehow, the wife playing the mother 24 hours works for some men, but look at the man and he looks miserable like a captive ape.

You might wonder why I brought up this topic.  Two reasons, I live with a narcissist who is very close blood relation and secondly, if you are familiar with the original Pride and Prejudice it is full of narcissists.  The biggest one is Elizabeth's mother.  JaneAusten wrote P&P as a comedy and the effects are so spot on, people still demand her book 200 years later!!  Exactly 200 years in fact as I just found out her book's 200 year anniversary is next week.

Elizabeth's, Lizzy's, Neurotic Mother

 When I look at reviews all over the Internet, I see that not one person likes the mother figure, and some say she is the most annoying character in all the tens of Pride adaptions.  One thing she is good for is comedy.  Her hysterics to have all of the attention all of the time, to have her way, crying for attention needing to drink or take her pills is funny on paper, excruciating in real life.  Like a five year old whose supply runs on her childrens' energy.

Rewriting this character as a black woman with a strong man as a Mayor, I had to step off a little from the stupidity of the original mother because she would have to understand how to be a Mayor's wife and control her emotions, not just some countrywoman who only goes out to small functions or gossips about the neighbors, she would have to function in society. 

Still no matter what, LOL, the spirit of this character was just 'me, me, me'.  I deal with it everyday.  The person that talks only about two things, themselves or they talk ABOUT someone in a negative light.  Yes, great environment. 

I went full blast on the mother character and how it affected the father.  This is torture for a man.  I understand and I vow and promise that when I get married, my husband will be able to say what he feels negative about me in a respectable manner and I will reason with him. 

What I found ladies is that no matter how painful feedback is, at least 1% of it is truth.  Somewhere in what a person says about you that needs to change you can see that it is true.  This was how I started my transition from being a slight narcissist myself.  A narcissist can have a whole book written just on them, no pun intended,but one factor is they center their whole life on their point of view and in this way, they are always right because as their actions change, they justify everything and everybody is wrong.

If we just take one step of humility back away from the Pride and the Prejudice that men are always wrong and see somewhere how we could be contributing to certain minor behaviors, you will see the men of your dreams be brought forth.  I only write and advise about what I experience.

This is what my Giselle character had to learn.  This is the major difference in my version is that instead of Mr. Darcy, my Mr. Washington, coming to the character and getting rid of his pride to ask her again to be together, my character must do this and not just once, but multiple times go to Mr. Washington and find different ways to apologize for her behavior and win him back. 

I believe that if Jane Austen had been seasoned in relationships or a little older when she wrote this, she might have shown that Elizabeth, My Giselle character, needed to show her humility toward Mr. Darcy as well and that he was not the only one wrong when she refused his hand.  I mean, she was screaming at him.

How Was My Writing Week?

I started Black Pride in October after a dream, please see my 'about' page for details. Ever since, I just started rewriting following the plot of the original Pride and Prejudice. Then I went and added scenes to fill in the gaps in my characters' universe. That has been filling up my rewriting process until a week ago. I finally found the voice of my characters. Now this week's writing was going back and actually LIVING my character's experience as I saw them in my head instead of just plot points.

For instance, instead of just starting the scene with the important conversation and very little introduction, now that I know the voice of those characters, small little things that seem unnecessary but you see in all movies I started to add to my scenes.

Things for instance to lead into the conversation a mundane act as the mother going to the front door and opening it to the newspaper wearing her bathrobe and seeing the neighbors and being embarrassed, is small and I never added such details mainly because I was only writing on the surface for 30 years.

I hope that by filling in this last level of gaps such as these I will be ready by the beginning of February to begin working on just relaxing with what's missing int he story and just reread Black Pride as a fresh reader and fine tuning.

Unfortunately, I feel there is so much gaps which is a necessary glue to make this universe pop out from all other books.

Jane Austen had such rich characters, each different and funny in their personalities and I was honored to have those same characters translate just as well and funnier in the black community. I will not be satisfied until I think these characters have their quirks and crazy ways placed out on paper just as much as they are running around in my head. Right now, they are flat on the page and flying rampantly in my mind.

It was fun, as always thanks for the reads.  Smooches!

Enjoy the weekend,
Denise Rochelle

Dark Skin Woman Only Approached by Other Races

Well, I have to say, I truly believe after I posted that question asking black men their complaints of the black woman and causing such an uproar, that Facebook page began opening up to more questions such as this, in a more respectful manner. 

This week a dark skin black woman asked everyone what was going on, why were the men in her own races over looking her?

Well, they answered sensibly and respectfully.  Well...the majority of them.  To sum it up, some thought maybe it was her fault that she was sending out some vibe that made men go away from her.  In this case, the poster responded back to everyone's answers even though she could have stayed anonymous.  To 200 responses she finally said that she would work on her vibe and start to approach black men instead of waiting for them.

Now that's out of the way, one man said he had to confess that he only liked red-boned women.  For those of you not familiar with this kind of talk, we black folks have what is called racism against our own race which some pointed out on the post that no other race exhibits. 

A few of the answers attributed this racism to the "field" and the "house" negro syndrome during slavery time.  Another said that there could be other issues but realized the fact that "don't discount the fact that her skin tone isn't one of them.  Black-on-black prejudice is real." Aman. 

Another said that it goes the other way; that some light skin sisters get rejected because men prefer dark skin women.  Another girl said of a prejudice she gets that "Other races would always tell me how beautiful I was. Black men would usually add "for a dark skin girl" after saying it, as if dark skin is associated with ugly." 

Then you had the ones said "You might not be attractive".  Ha, ha, ha, that's messed up.  Another said that she didn't think that men discriminated when it came to skin tone. Umm...I'll leave that alone.
Then that one comment that 'yet another post belittling  black people.  Umm, I'm sorry, but sensitivity to a problem when it comes up and people are discussing it never solves the issue...talking about it does. 

What about the field of psychiatry, how in the world would it even be a business if no one talked about their problems?  Most of the time, there is no solution given, but the fact that the person in need of counseling could get out their concerns was a healing process unto itself.

Whatever the case may be, I have to admit that growing up myself majorly living in the white society where I was the only black 99% of the time.  I feared getting any sunlight or thought of my skin becoming dark that I used sunblock with the SPF of 70 and above.  It worked to keep me lightskin.  Now, I have released from this that I go in the opposite direction and actually get tans and focus on loving the skin that was given to me. 

I do have to say that when I was light skinned and when I would become a dark, dark color, I definitely saw a difference.  At one time I used to fundraise for my church and the days that I had become very, very dark I noticed a huge difference, a considerable difference in the people's first reaction.  Went from trust to fear when I approached them compare to my 'lighter' days. 

Not my imagination and take it however, but I'm old enough and experienced all races and communities to know that her question is valid.  This post was on Sunday so I thought I would incorporate this into the story.  I thought the wild friend twice divorced could have this problem maybe. 

Why this topic?  Because my Elizabeth character only is attracted to white men and diss the brothers.

I haven't been writing much because I have been mostly subconsciously reworking the story in my mind to see the bigger picture to see that spirit world my characters are living in that is real to them and make it real to me.

I do have to say that as I back off of the physical writing, writers will relate to this, my subconscious and my regular thinking is working hard.  So, when you read the 9-page epilogue on the dashboard above, you can say bye, bye to the dry rhetoric as now I found Giselle's writing voice for it to spruce it up and adding to the story of her history of why she is not married. 

This is the main reason I have not been able to write, I know Giselle, I am Giselle, but putting it on paper (slices throat).  If I or any other creative person on earth could somehow transfer what is churning into our minds and place it into the world unhinged, you would see less crazy, drug-dependent, crazy, did I say crazy artists out there!

I am still not ready to post the seven pages where we get to see Mr. Washington, I will wait 'till the page gets more views, and they are coming so I appreciate you viewing these updates every week, it's inspiring me to keep going.

I like to give a shout out to the TwitterFam visiting here, you all keep me going and I promise the book will be worth it and you can say you were there as the book found its voice.  Let's make history.  Everyone else if you want to follow me on twitter I am at, twitter.com/iamdenisemorris.

Have a lovely weekend and week and see you here again next Saturday! 

Love and Harmony People,
Denise Rochelle M.

Update: Black Men, What is Your #1 Complaint of Black Women?

Welcome back!  Well, a couple of posts ago I mentioned that I would be hearing from a forum after I asked a question.  It took two weeks, so I posted the question twice. 

The first post was stating my purpose for asking the question "Black men what is your biggest complaint against black women." and then I thought recently it wouldn't post, so I reposted a shorter question asking both black men and women what were their grievances about the other side.

Of course, you know why I asked because I deal with the issues and problems of black men and women in the dating pool in My Black Pride.





I thought I would post some of the comments here, but let's just say, Wow, I as poster was even attacked for asking such a question.  It was a very heated debate.  Men were so happy for the opportunity for an open ear and loved that a female was asking the question.  Then there were other people of other races chiming in that they felt left out, then you had the ones that were over accommodating for the negative question by saying how wonderful black men and women were, they had no complaints and they didn't want to add to the negativity. 

Even one poster after several men and women on either posts listed their grievances and even shot off onto one another because of their answers point blank said, "Now this is why all the other races don't like ya'll.  You always putting each other down."

Well, the grievances were long and valid.  One was directed at me, posters are anonymous by default, to why don't I offer a solution.

And there we go.  I feel finally there is the point!  Exactly.  My time is not wasted on this story venture after all.  Another person had said that the grievances were no different between the races, but unfortunately this is not true.  Unlike all of the other races, black Americans have a deep scar when it comes to the interaction of the black male and the black female that is to this moment being swept under the rug.  There are of course problems similar in other communities, but when certain problems arise that are ingrained into that community cloaked over those people, there must be a beginning source to that problem.

Other communities, there is not a common tie to men/women issues as much as the black issues.  We have one common tie that began it all.  DON'T get mad at me for making excuses, because these aren't excuses.  Take a deep look, the black community never overcame slavery, were taught by their slave ancestors and some are still raising and living MENTALLY like their slave grand, grand etc. how can you be any different if the chain is not broken?

I have been released from that chain and through Black Pride I feel it's a great forum to open up that wound, pierce through it and cleanse it.  Like a mission of sorts.

Who can deny that black men were encouraged just over a century ago to be strong only, bare children even outside of wedlock, and leave those children. Many did not raise their families and were sold to other ranches like cattle to bare more children with multiple women.  On the other hand, the black woman was to be strong on her own and take care of every single child in the household including her own and cater to a man that was her 'boss' called the master. 

I had written a post back on that forum with a little anger that people were mad I asked the question stirring up trouble and posed this answer, but I think that question has been dropped.  Too much heat.

Bad for the forum, good for My Black Pride and Prejudice book. I  actually have to go back to the original post and see the answers and incorporate them.

This week's writing was mainly filling in holes in my story and fleshing out the story of Giselle having to change positions from the original Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Darcy came to her twice not including the letter scene explaining his defenses, and changed it to Giselle having to approach Mr. Washington with all of her pride gone and open the door for him to come to her once more.  So there are a few additional scenes I added for this occasion.

Well, the topic of black men and women disrespect for one another was so evident on the posts I have to search for it and see the bigger picture.  It was actually two people on either post that stated I needed to give a solution.  Isn't that like a sign from God? 

What solution do I offer in Black Pride?  The same as the original book gave, get rid of pride and fear and respect one another.  Except both characters in my version have to go through life changing moments to change their bad habits and let go to come together the second time around as one couple.

That's all for this week.  I don't like to 'stir up no trouble', ha, ha but sometimes, to make change, someone has to go into the kitchen and mix it up a little bit.  And I am the perfect person for stirring up the pot!  See you next Saturday!

Love and Unity,
Denise Rochelle M.

Update: "All Men Want Is Sex"

Can you believe this?  "All men want is one thing." How old do you think this person is that makes this kind of statement?  Well, I was just recently told this by a family member this week.  This person always downs men because of the heartbreak they incurred through life.  On the other hand, the person NEVER once has ever said what they have done wrong in these relationships.  Does this sound like someone of 20, 30, how about 40?  I actually heard this from a 60 year old.  This argument in the black community is just getting too old, because I don't stand for this anymore in my life and for a long time. 

What was my response to this person?  Do you actually think that you can have a sensible conversation with someone with so much baggage?  I tried to say that people bring into their life what they say others are.  That's all I could get out to say`before the backlash.  In her case she has some daddy issues.  The man has been dead for over 40 years and she still can't get over it.

Are there black men that are no good?  Just as much as there are black women who kill their men.  Where does this get us going but  back and forth, black people.

I am a strong believer, sister n' brothers in the law of attraction.  You think there are only negrods out in the universe all that will you attract are chickenheads.  Also, what I have witnessed is a woman who has a good man becomes embittered by what she believes he is not fulfilling her needs and her low energy level perpetuates non-existent threats to her relationship or being. To defend her Black Pride, she take it out on a good man and turn him into exactly what she feared.  Can you see Michelle Obama having these little girl issues with Barrack?  If she does, she kept her insecure emotions in check and backed her man up into the White House.

I believe you get what you put out, and you get what you think period.  So, Dr. Rochelle here prescribes every woman who says this mess to just start saying, 'I don't care what type of men are out there for the other women because I am a faithful, heavenly creature of God and He has a man just like me waiting for me if I just believe.' That's rockstar quality and even if he shows up at your death bed, he will show up, probably bring you back to life.  This is how I always thought and looking back, I had a few fakers who got through, but they respected a sister before they were found out.
The universe protects a positive mind. 

Anyway, my focus in Black Pride isn't going to go to that extreme, but I do have one character who is a little wild and a friend of the Elizabeth character who is a jaded divorcee twice removed like my family member above.  She'll be making an appearance for two separate scenes to mimic this kind of character.  If any of you have watched Why Did I get Married, and you remember the buck wild Angela character, she will be as wild as her.

How was my writing week?  Horrible.  Just disgraceful.  I am not in the writer's environment.  I remember J K Rowling's interview with Oprah after she had finished her last book.  She was in this castle-like hotel room where she was able to get away from the raucous of her family home to concentrate on writing.  Also, in her beginning writing career, she would go to little nooks, and cafes.  No, I'm around family noise, senseless interruptions, music etc.

But I being a good veteran, I try to keep my word.  So, your reward for coming here today, I just posted the full epilogue which is the second revision.  So take a look.  It needs a lot of work.  It is sort of my assignment/schedule to post it at a certain time to keep motivated in a very unmotivated environment.

Well, for this next week, I'll return on Saturday and hopefully by then I will have more to report about my writing endeavor and encounters.

Have a peaceful week,
Denise Rochelle M.

Maybe many writers can attest to this, but when your environment does not yield for a quiet and sound mind, it is easy to write, but not to the best of your ability.  Be it that it was the holidays, I was steadfast in reaching my goal of reading and rewriting a few chapters from the beginning of Pride&Prejudice.  At least I was able to get the Epilogue completely rewritten.

Actually, I can't blame my noisy 20 hours a day environment and my restless heart.  Actually, this is the tough part of the adventure.  Reimagining all of the elements from your characters, their world, their situations, problems, and the whole point your book wants to make. 

That is where I am now.  This is actual work and a handful.  There are sooo many issues in which to deal with in Black Pride.

I have the woman's side of male hate, the men's side of black women prejudice, the uppity rich society's view of less abled blacks, the family issues of each sister and parent just too many angles in which to deal and juggle around in my mind. 

The epilogue needs ALOT of work if you have already read the first three.  They tell us screenwriters that if you don't grab them in the first 5 pages, you lose them.  Then others say grab them in the first page or lose them.  For a customer, if you don't grab them in the first paragraph, you're done. 
So, for the effort, I will be posting possibly 9 pages of the epilogue for your review. 

These pages represent all of Elizabeth's, or updated as Giselle, battles she will encounter and her history of men.

If you have read the current epilogue, in the rewrite I have cut out a lot of talk and added more of a set up - a reason for her invisible eye against black men and especially the kind like Mr. Darcy, or my character Mr. Washington.

Screenwriters use Setups as a foreshadowing of what the character must overcome and makes the payoff more richer when we see the character accomplish exactly what they want, or opposite of what they thought they wanted from the beginning.  In this case, Mr. Washington was the last person on earth she consider as a perfect match, but we know how that ends up.

That's it.  I'm a little disappointed and appreciate the blog views, because it keeps me on my toes about my bi-weekly goals.  Looks like by the end of February I'll have a clean enough copy to self-publish for interested reader's critiques, which is a month later than I thought. 

Thanks for reading and see you Saturday with the full updated epilogue.

Love and Ice Cream,
Denise Rochelle M.