Did Mr. Darcy Have Lust or Love?

Religious posts say that they don't fear Jesus and lust is the devil's hand tool and the reason relationships don't last. True.  How do we tell the difference?  That was the question posted?

To first answer this question, we need to truly understand what is Lust and what is True Love.

Lust comes without commitment and is easy to obtain yet it does not last.  This is because of selfishness that the two feel these feelings and it is not based on the other person. It is based on obtaining this feeling only for themselves without regard to how the other feels, almost like a spell.





Love is the opposite and takes time to invest. 

"Lust is at first sight." I don't know.  Maybe, but I know of people who have true love that knew someone was the one from the minute they saw them.

Now Mr. Darcy didn't not have a relationship with the Elizabeth character yet, halfway through the book he says that he can no longer control his emotions and tells her that he wants to marry her and despite all of the reasons not too.  This kind of sounds like lust to me.  But where love at sight may have lust at its roots, when the couple turns their feelings for the other out of want and not neediness, and it becomes unselfish in their desires to be with the other, then this is love.

"Because lust satisfies a temporary need and takes less time."

Lust is overwhelming just like our Mr. Darcy experienced.  But so is love.  So how can one tell the difference of a man who falls in love with a woman from the first moment they meet and ends up asking for marriage with only a few outings together?

I think if the two fulfill the others needs and live for the other, this is possible.  I also saw where people have their ideal person all their life in the back of their mind even if they do not pursue this type of person for a relationship and when they see them in the street, they see the exact match of their own internal workings and they know immediately, this is far from lust.

It is almost a survival instinct from cavemen times whatever that means.

I thought the best explanation was:

"Lust is like a windows start up program, it's running right off the first look...now love takes some getting into the program and once you start feeling it, you have no control." :)


My Writing Week

I must say after 30 years, LITERALLY, of writing everyday whether professionally or from imagination, I finally understand the process of writing.  You can teach an old dog new tricks.  After all, if the old fart is willing to learn, they can do about anything in their old age. ;)  Anyway, what have I learned exactly?

I learned to relax with the story.

I went from taking months and months to bang out a decent first draft to having a story rewritten twice within a week and once a month and then to stop dead in my tracks and not being able to approach the story.  I started to panic that I would never be able to let the story rise to the possibilities from its basic standard, characterization and written word.

Now since receiving this gift directly from God in October, I have started to see that the story is being worked on somewhere and at the right time it will come back to me and I can approach it with a pure heart, no worries, no panic and give it the best rewrite.

Damn, I mean darn the deadline I gave myself of having a good 3rd or 4th draft finished ready for a self-publish read over.

Forget rushing the process.

If I say "Black Pride" is my baby, maybe it will take 9 months.  I just have this urge to have it out into the world while 2013 is still present for some reason, possibly the 200th year anniversary of "Pride and Prejudice" being this year brings it to a full circle somehow and brings good fortune.

After watching a series of movie trailers (I usually do this for inspiration to envision my own story as a trailer) I starting to see the story outside my head.

I see that to approach it, there will be some character changes, race changes and a few scenes I have to completely write, but coming from a person who takes many years on a horrible story rewriting from different angles, I know I have something here.  Believe me, I know how NOT to write.

So, that is my week. Thanks for joining.  If you ever want to give a shoutout or give your input, then leave me a message or post.  Or follow me in Twitterland twitter.com/iamdenisemorris.  Talk to you later!  See you next Saturday!




XOXO,
Denise Rochelle

Men Why Do You Shut Down?

"Men Why Do You Shut Down or get distant when you are going through something?"
Quick answers were, "For your protection", "We don't like drama/fighting", "It's a man thing/we were made that way", "Women are all about feelings and men are all about solutions." These were the quick and light answers.

 Hi, everyone, hope you are keeping warm this week as the temperatures remind us that it is indeed winter.




Yet again, I look toward the Facebook forum of anonymized questions answered by VERY vocal posters naming off their opinions.  This week, the question was to men only.  But like many posts, some women would answer for the men. .. (scratches head) yes, I understand in this day and age some women have to take up the role of man and woman in the family when they are left as a single mother, but I don't see single father's on any of those posts answering for the women-only questions.

And men made that exact point several times.  Many, many posted that the women needed to stop answering for the men and sometimes, LOL right after that post a woman will say, "Because of their ego." man.  How funny we women are, ha, ha sorry, men.  Some say that they try to explain to a woman how they are feeling,but instead get a woman 'in the face' talking bad things to them instead of just listening and understanding.

A few men out of 100 posts said that, "Women will shut down in relations with women because women will not listen to us anyway.  As you can see the question was posed to men and the women answered for them.  If women took time out to just listen to their man/husband/male friend, I'm pretty sure a lot more men would open up if they felt they were being heard!"

Well, those of you who like the Pride and Prejudice series have grown to like a man that has no ability to say a single word of what he is feeling inside- in the right way.  When he did finally decide to say a word, he always was making the situation a mess or hurting someone's feelings - mostly Elizabeth's.

Of course this inept beast describes Mr. Darcy. When we first meet Mr. Darcy at the dance, he is so cold and arrogant and owns the whole world.  He barely even returns conversation to his friend who tries to get him engaged in the party and away from the corner.

Then of course we see later that Mr. Darcy for most of the book was hiding his true feelings for Elizabeth so when his feelings of love came out with force he fumbles it all up.  Mr. Darcy is a prime example of a man who could not get in touch with his feminine side to talk to the girl he wanted to marry until the very end.

What would our Mr. Darcy be like if he was communicative?  He wouldn't be as loveable when we finally witness that because of his deep love for Elizabeth he changed to overcome this fallacy within himself.

Think about it.  If from the beginning Mr. Darcy could just give in to his wants, there would be no character growth, no tension - no 200 year-later blog about the story.  We need these elements in a story, our brain needs this dissonance or conflict on paper - the ups and downs.

Without a character who completely shut down his emotions, Pride and Prejudice would not have triumphed as much in all of our hearts.

Just as one man poster suggested, don't be so critical to your man, be quiet and understanding and just listen and we might not have to ask this question in the future.  And stop answering and speaking for the men is another step, ha, ha.

Unfortunately, I have had writer's block for the last two weeks even though it is just to rewrite the whole second draft for self-publish to get interested reader's feedback.  If they can ignore the misspelled words and grammatical mistakes.

As my romantic life changes and I enter Pride and Prejudice territory for the first time in my life, my viewpoint of my story grows.  Hey, I think that will be a great post in the future.  "How Online Relationships Could Change Pride and Prejudice".  Just a thought.

Have a fun one enjoy the rest of your four-day weekend!  

Denise Rochelle M.